Satire, Humor, Self-Help
Date Published: 12-15-17
Dear Reader,
Knowledge, success, hope--this book will provide you with none of these things.
For those who are curious to check out the contents and "guidance" provided in this book, I would like to offer a brief, but important warning before you embark on your treacherous journey. I am this book's editor. I have thoroughly handled, absorbed, and regurgitated the contents of this book over and over again, and while most of the content in this "self-help" book is, in my professional opinion, completely ridiculous and easily recognized as such, I fear that some of you who read this book may sadly find yourselves duped by Joel's terrible advice.
Speaking modestly, Keys to Success from a Completely Unsuccessful Person represents is a collection of thoughts, ideas, and errant opinions from the delusional mind of a self-proclaimed self-help guru. Somehow, Joel has miraculously and single-handedly compiled more nonsense, utter gibberish, and complete lunacy into one book than any other author in all of human history that I am presently aware of.
Again, while I do believe that the majority of readers will find themselves deeply amused at the sheer idiocy in this anthology of stupidity, I fear that some poor souls may just get sucked into the author's delusions. For that reason, I have provided this warning to please disregard Joel's terrible advice. For most readers, I expect and hope that they will be amused by the book's clear guidance on how not to find success and find humor in what the book attempts to instruct them to do.
Perhaps most importantly, I believe that although my hand was forced to publish this book of unrefined nonsense by Joel and my superiors, Joel will finally be exposed to the world for who he really is--a completely unsuccessful person.
Interview with Joel C. Cunningham
Can you tell us a little bit about the
characters in Keys to Success from a
Completely Unsuccessful Person?
Wally is the idiotic,
freewheeling con man and author of this book, not ashamed to confide that he is
writing the book purely for self-promotion author. He is opposed by the publisher’s
assigned Editor who is the voice of reason, but also a constant antagonist
towards Wally, since he has no idea why or how the book is being published.
Wally’s silent but loyal assistant Alan is involved with much of the events,
and Arnie, Wally’s nervous and easily manipulated attorney drops into the
chapters from time to time. Steve is also a primary character, but mostly as a
whipping boy that Wally uses to convince people of his “rightness.”
Can you tell us a little bit about your next
books or what you have planned for the future?
With this book being so
non-standard, I felt like it would be a good idea for me to move a bit more
towards a standard . Additionally, I am working on a screenplay for a
mockumentary feature film that I hope to direct.
How long would you say it takes you to write a
book?
Well, this, my first
book, took me around 2.5 years to get published, but actual writing time was
more like 6 months to 1 year.
What is your favorite childhood book?
Dr. Suess’s Green Eggs and Ham is probably my
favorite book from my very early childhood. After that, probably Mark Twain’s The Adventures of Tom Sawyer.
If you could spend the day with one of the
characters from The Lord of the Rings trilogy who would it be? Please tell us
why you chose this particular character, where you would go and what you would
do.
Absolutely, I’d pick
Gandalf. I feel like we’d end up going on some grand adventure and hopefully I
could learn how to perform a few magic spells or something.
What was the hardest scene in Keys to Success from a Completely
Unsuccessful Person to write?
Oddly enough, I’d have
to say the book’s intro. I wanted to provide a taste of what was to come, but
using the voice of the editor who more-or-less hates the book and Wally, and is
nothing similar to Wally’s style. I probably re-wrote it a good 9-10 times.
Also, when written too strongly negative, it left a bad taste in the reader’s
mouth and made you not want to continue reading since the reader had not yet
gotten far enough into the book to understand why the Editor hates Wally so
much. The balance was to add Wally’s colorful “commentary” into the margins and
find just the right balance of contempt into the language.
What made you want to become a writer?
We all love a good
story, and learning the art of that has always intrigued me, but additionally,
I love the impact that books and stories can have on a person. Knowing that you
can make a lasting impact on someone (hopefully in a positive sense) by sharing
something that you yourself enjoy just seems like a wonderful aspect of
life.
Just for fun
(a Favorite song: “Everybody Wants To Rule The World” – Tears For
Fears
(b Favorite book: Voltaire
by Candide
(c Favorite movie: King Kong (the 1933 version)
(d Favorite tv show: The Office or Breaking Bad
(e Favorite Food: Pizza! Cheap or expensive, generally it’s all
great!
(f Favorite drink: Coca Cola
(g Favorite website: at the moment, an obvious pick, but most likely
YouTube. It’s great for playing in the background while I have other work going
on.
Thanks so much for visiting with us today!
Interview #2
#1 – Do You See Writing as a Career?
Yes! For those who really want to make it a career, I think
it’s certainly possible. You may need to spend time in the beginning taking on
copy jobs, editing, or ghost writing type work as you build up your audience and
work, but I certainly think it can happen for skilled, hardworking, motivated
individuals.
#2 – What was the Hardest Part of Your Writing Process?
After getting the first draft down, most likely the constant
revisiting and revisions needed to get something where it needs to be. It’s key
to getting the best writing done, but can also be very frustrating to
constantly battle in my head with the best way to approach or write out
something.
#3 – Did you have any One Person Who Helped You Out with Your Writing
Outside of Your Family?
A good friend and fellow writer named Kyle Malkin.
#4 – What is next for your writing?
I am working on a new fictional novel much more standard
than “Keys to Success from a Completely Unsuccessful Person.” Still satirical
and humorous, but less
#5 – Do you have an addiction to reading as well as writing? If
so, what are you currently reading?
I do! Currently, I am reading through Stephen King’s Bill
Hodges trilogy. Additionally, a sci-fi book called “Black Star Renegades.”
DESCRIBE Your Book in 1
Tweet:
An idiotic con-artist attempts to get his self-help book
published, but faces serious pushback from the publisher and editor.
This or That?
#1 - iPd or Mp3?
Mp3!
#2 – Chocolate or Vanilla?
Vanilla!
#3 – Mashed Potatoes or French Fries?
Tough question. Most likely fries
for burgers and fast food fare, and mashed potatoes for most home cooked meals
or nice sit down restaurants.
#4 – Comedy or Drama?
Probably drama, but some of my
favorite movies are comedies. I’m just a bit more picky when it comes to
comedic material I think.
#5 – Danielle Steel or Nicholas Sparks?
Not too much for either, but most
likely Nicholas Sparks.
#6 – Fantasy or Reality?
Probably fantasy.
#7 – Call or Text?
Text! But a quick call to discuss is
something deeper or more complex in nature is often much preferred!
#8 – Public School or Home School?
Public schooled.
#9 – Coffee or Hot Chocolate
I loooove coffee.
#10 – eBook or Paperback?
Paperback all the way!
Love the look and feel of holding a real book in my hands.
Born on the East Coast but raised in the Southwest, Joel Cunningham is co-founder of Parametric Studios in Scottsdale , Arizona., He has worked in marketing for the last fifteen years. He has acted in numerous commercial projects, produced and written for numerous TV and film projects, and is the current host of a film & television review podcast called The Reel Review Podcast. Keys to Success from a Completely Unsuccessful Person is his first book.
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