I'm Cease de Menich. It's OK if you
don't know me—but you will. That's what my agent
keeps telling me to tell people, and judging from the throng
of mostly stage-moms waiting
beneath a marquee that reads “Good Morning, New York City,”
maybe he's right. I'm the actress
who plays Jeanne d'Arc (please don't call her Joan; that was
never her name) the virgin, the
warrior, the Catholic saint in a reality show that's going
to be a blockbuster. I'm supposed to say
that, too. But don't worry, I'm not over-the-top full of
myself the way the others in the final three
are.
I'm not beautiful, for starters.
I've got a big nose—a French nose, as my Aunt Nana
insists—but if it weren't for my wide-set eyes it would be a
real honker. I want to have it fixed
but my Nana won’t let me. She says it gives me character.
But the real reason is that we haven’t
got the money, so that's another thing you don't have to
worry about. I'm not rich, not like the
girls from the Upper East Side who sat beside me at
Juilliard. What I am is tough and smart, and
I have something all the unrich, unbeautiful girls have: I
have absolutely nothing to lose.
I look out the window of the car as I take off the last of
my body armor; at the faded
crepe in a liquor store window—the long shadows lumbering
over subway grates on
Broadway—and back to the faces of the wannabes waiting in
the cold. All those wet noses and
eager looks—all those eager fingers I hope will soon be
pressing the letters of my name into their
home screens. It’s only been four months since I was
standing outside in the cold—an unknown,
a wannabe, just licking my lips hoping to sink my teeth into
a plum role.
For all you people who’ve been watching me on the WebTV
trailers, I know what you’re
thinking—that I just got lucky. I don’t deserve to be here.
And you know what? I think that, too.
(Is there an unrich, unbeautiful, sixteen-year-old girl
anywhere who wouldn’t think that?) But
fame never landed on my doorstep like a perfectly wrapped
gift. I’ve paid my dues in ways
you’ll never know… and for those of you who’ve been watching
the installments the producers
have been showing on WebTV every night—and are wondering
just what this show is, I can offer
you an explanation in a few simple steps.
First. This isn’t just a reality show; in other words, this
isn’t just a show about a bunch of
girls and boys who fall in love or beat each other to
death—it’s a drama. I’m an actress playing
an historic character who lived almost six hundred years
ago. Try to think of my character,
Jeanne d’Arc, as a real-life superhero, because she was. The
three finalists who must compete for
the boys are Jeanne d’Arc, Catherine the Great, and Susan B.
Anthony. The boys do not play
historic characters—they’re just hunks who flex their pecs
and preen a lot. You probably know
by now, that the conflicts we face are pretty modern—as in,
things that girls and boys must face
every day at home and school.
Second. The plotlines of each
episode are closely guarded secrets. Dialogue is released
the night before we shoot, and I’m given only my lines and a
brief outline of the action. There
were rumors in the beginning that actors would bribe the
writers to get their lines early or to find
out what was being written about the other characters. I
don’t doubt it.
Third. Francis MacDonald, the
director, is crazy—hopefully crazy the way that
Hollywood geniuses are—an auteur, I try to convince Nana,
but she keeps insisting he’s an
imbecile.
I comb my fingers through my hair
and need another minute before I get out of the car.
I’m tired. Before arriving here I was locked in a
straw-filled cage for three hours, and now I’d
rather be back home in Tudor City with my Nana having my
brownies and milk because even a
martyr about to be burned at the stake deserves her brownies
and milk. I open the window.
“We’ve been waiting all morning,” a girl in the crowd
says.
I offer up a wholesome smile.
“Sorry. I was tied up.” And I was.
Tied to a stake, in fact, just after the interrogators in
Rheims, France (actually it was the Kaufman-Astoria Studios
in Queens) grilled me, Jeanne
d’Arc, about the voices I heard from angels and why I chose
to wear men’s clothing.
A woman tugs the arm of her girl, maybe eight, with a
crooked smile, braces, and black
rimmed glasses with unfashionably large frames. “She’d make
a great angel, don’t ja think?”
I know why they’ve come. All those
eager faces. All those Louis Vuitton dreams. They
want to know how I made it. What it feels like, rising so
quickly at such a tender age. What the
ingredients are in the potion that raised me up over all the
others.
The it-ness of fame.
Be careful what you wish for, is what I should tell them,
tell all of you. Fame tastes like
a kiss from a stranger—a really hot guy who’s got a dark
side you’d better see before it’s too late.
Fame will make you do the most horrible things to the people
you love. It feels like a bolt of
grief in my chest, a lock I’ve felt since the
first day I arrived on the set.
About the Author
0 comments:
Post a Comment