Simon Yeats
GENRE: Humor/Memoir
BLURB:
The Lesser Known Travel Tips memoirs are a hilarious series of travel misadventures and dubious personal introspection by Australian author Simon Yeats, who from an early age learned that the best way to approach the misfortunes of this world is to laugh about them.
Simon shares his comedic insights into the unusual and uproarious elements of living life as an Aussie ex-pat and having a sense of Wanderlust as pervasive as the Spanish Flu in 1918 or hordes of Mongols in 12th Century.
From how to keep yourself entertained when unwittingly forced to watch 11 hours of live sumo wrestling in Japan, to surviving heartbreak in India at the hands of a French flight attendant, to 48 hours spent in Nepal that qualify as the funniest most gut wrenching travel experience since Captain Bligh was set adrift in the Pacific, to his unsuccessful attempts at avoiding going to a brothel in Thailand. From what to do when several people converge to rob you after midnight on a deserted Copacabana Beach, to how to save the Sierra Mountain Range from a wildfire outbreak due to a lack of quality toilet paper, to where not to go in Tijuana when trying to locate the origins to stories of the city’s mythical adult entertainment, to how to save yourself from drowning when caught in a storm while sailing off the California coast. From how to outwit the Italian police while trying to find parking in downtown Genoa, to how to negotiate exploring the Roman ruins of Plovdiv, Bulgaria while on crutches, to how to impress the German Mafia with 80s dance moves, to how to leave a lasting impression on a crowded bar in Gothenburg, Sweden after combining alcohol and antibiotics.
Simon Yeats has gone into the world and experienced all the out of the ordinary moments for you to sit back and enjoy the experience without the need to break a leg, contract Dengue fever, or rupture a pancreas.
Purchase LESSER KNOWN TRAVEL TIPS SERIES
Book One: How to Start a Riot in a Brothel in Thailand by Ordering a Beer and Other Lesser Known Travel Tips @ Amazon
Book Two: How to Avoid Getting Mugged in Rio de Janeiro by Singing Songs by The Police and Other Lesser Known Travel Tips @ Amazon
Book Three: How to Survive Making Yourself Look Silly While Dancing with the German Mafia at a Bavarian Nightclub and Other Lesser Known Travel Tips @ Amazon
Excerpt:
Excerpt from How to Avoid Getting Mugged in Rio de Janeiro by Singing Songs by The Police and Other Lesser Known Travel Tips
As my mental health slowly circles the drain over the first months of 2006, the only thing I look forward to is Wednesday night rugby training. This is the case for the other ex-pats in Rio too. It is the only two or three hours of our week that makes any sense for many of us.
Travel tip. A key point for anyone planning to live overseas or even just taking a trip for a few weeks. Maintain some contact with elements of life with which you are familiar. Celebrate your National Days in the traditional manner, watch your sporting championships, hang out with others who are far from home too, so you have people to bond with.
This is a critical point. The world may not be as big as you think, but it will still swallow a person whole.
After our rugby sessions, most of us stay around for a beer and a talk. It is a very local affair. We drink at the little cabana beside the section of beach where we train at Posto 8 in Ipanema. They usually have plenty of cold beers on hand to satisfy the 20 to 25 guys who stay.
One Wednesday evening, our training session holds a little more exhilaration than usual. Running around the beach in one of the most exotic locales on the planet is usually enough. But this night, as we pass the ball around on the sand, a running gun battle is occurring in the Cantagalo favela a few blocks inland. This slum spreads itself up the sides of a Morro, or granite hillock, on the corner of Copacabana and Ipanema. The Policia are shooting at some drug dealers. Or some drug dealers are shooting at the Policia. It is hard to know from a kilometer away.
The rapid-fire ricochets of the heavy armaments tell me the weapons are more than powerful enough for stray bullets to cross the 1000 meters between the shanty town and our rugby practice on the beach. So, I cower behind the cement wall separating the street from the sand.
Being gunned down long range by an errant bullet from a high-powered magazine while standing on the beach in Rio de Janeiro. Now that is a once in a lifetime experience.
The battle rages for 15 minutes. The steep, narrow streets of the favela are constantly lit up by gunfire. It is like the Chinese New Year. I am shocked how clearly I can see the bursts of fire from the barrels of the fully automatic weapons engaged in the primal tug of war for drug turf. Gun battles occur daily in the poorest parts of the city. A never-ending testament to humanity’s desire for power. I am anxious when looking in my stocking on Christmas Day. I would never want to have to wake up in the morning fretting over what percentage of my drug distribution control in the neighborhood might have been seized overnight by a rival gang faction.
After this training, everyone drinks more heavily than usual to calm our nerves, and the cabana runs out of beer. After watching a war unfold in front of us, the ex-pats feel compelled to continue their conversations about dealing with life in Brazil. A dozen of us cross the road and walk one block inland to Praca General Osorio, which houses a bar with a small outdoor beer garden. Here we continue our therapy session.
I am in great need of being in the company of fellow strugglers, and time gets away from me. It is close to 2am before I get up to go home. To get to my apartment, I just need to walk the four-kilometer length of Copacabana Beach by myself.
Interview with Simon Yeats
What is the sweetest thing someone has done for you?
For
my 50th
birthday, my ex wife gave me a 10 minute video that was a compilation
of photos of my life and my family, interspersed with video clips of
my mates in Australia and around the world wishing me a happy
birthday. She had contacted my best friend and family back in
Australia and they had helped put it all together.
How would you spend ten thousand bucks?
I wouldn’t. I have a girlfriend. You think she doesn’t have plans for that ten thousand?
Where do you get your best ideas?
I believe I get my best ideas when I am drunk. I know there have been so many times at the pub where I have asked for a pen and written down ideas on the back of beer coasters. Of course, the next morning I see that the writing is illegible. But I have found up to 20 coasters and pieces of papers with scribbles on them in my pockets after a night out, so I am guessing that my brain is prolific with coming up with amazing stuff when I am drunk.
What comes first, the plot or characters?
The beer comes first because that is where all my best inspiration comes from. And just looking back over the back of some of the beer coasters that I have saved, it looks like I prioritize funklespitz. For some reason I wrote this word on the back of 4 coasters. I have no idea what it means. Putting aside my inebriated Shakespearean English, I like to start with the simple concept, ‘who is gonna care about this book?’ The final answer to that question is always, ‘probably just me,’ while I think humor is the most important aspect of my writing. So then, for any particular writing project, where will I get the most humor, from the plot or from my characters? Answer – funklespitz.
What does your main character do that makes him/her special.
My main character is a journeyman. A lover. A dreamer. He has that certain undefinable je ne sais quoi that makes women swoon, babies smile, and other men want to be like him. He gets Wordle out on the first try 95% of the time. He drinks warm milk with a bottle of Schnapps as a chaser. He is an everyman, and yet he is unique and distinct in his uniqueness that separates him from every other man. He is an enigma, wrapped inside a riddle, wrapped inside a palindrome. When someone says everyone must go left, he will just sit down and go nowhere. My main character is also full of so much shit that his ears stink. Yes, that is me. I am the main character in my memoirs.
AUTHOR Bio and Links:
Simon Yeats has lived nine lives, and by all estimations, is fast running out of the number he has left. His life of globetrotting the globe was not the one he expected to lead. He grew up a quiet, shy boy teased by other kids on the playgrounds for his red hair. But he developed a keen wit and sense of humor to always see the funnier side of life.
With an overwhelming love of travel, a propensity to find trouble where there was none, and being a passionate advocate of mental health, Simon’s stories will leave a reader either rolling on the floor in tears of laughter, or breathing deeply that the adventures he has led were survived.
No author has laughed longer or cried with less restraint at the travails of life.
Connect with Simon Yeats
8 comments:
Thank you so much for hosting today.
The excerpt sounds good. Thanks for sharing.
Cheers mate for hosting a stop on my memoir/humor series blog tour. I hope new readers will take a chance and take a look and have a good laugh. At the rate we are going Putin or that Uranian guy is gonna let go with a nuclear warhead and I would prefer to enjoy my final days laughing. If anyone has ever wanted to know just how much humor and craziness can go on while trying to enjoy a simple vacation then I am the man to show you how. I also have a new book coming out in September, the 4th in the Travel Tips series with a title even longer than the ones I have already published. So I am crossing my fingers that we don't have nuclear war until at least the middle of September so all my work on book 4 was not for nothing.
Sounds great.
I liked the excerpt and cover.
This looks exceptionally 3. Thanks for sharing.
looks interesting
Sounds very cool
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