Deleted Scene from SELECT FEW
(Deleted from Chapter Fourteen)
I
dialed and waited, realizing I was nervous. Come
on, pick up.
John
picked up on what felt like the last ring.
“Hey!
It’s me.” I said.
John
cleared his throat. “What time is it?”
“I
woke you up. I’m sorry.”
“Wait.
Can you hold on a second?” he asked.
I
waited while I heard noises of shifting and drawers opening. Then a heavy door
being opened and closed. He was in a hotel hallway.
“Okay,
now I can talk.”
“How’d
the tournament go?”
“Fine.”
“What’s
wrong?”
“What
do you mean?”
“I
hear it in your voice.”
“Tell
me how you are. What have you been doing? Do you like Palo Alto?”
“I’m
fine. I’ve been in my hotel room mostly.” I hated lying. “Tell me what’s going
on?”
“Nothing.
Playing tennis, dinners at restaurant chains, same old same old.”
“Are
you enjoying it?”
“Not
really. If you were here, I’d like showing off for you.”
“I
love when you do that,” I said, smiling. “Do you have any groupies?” Why was I
always so jealous when it came to him? It was almost a joke between us because
he knew it.
“Not
at all.”
“That’s
hard to believe.”
“Seriously.
Alex is the one who gets all the attention. The ladies love Alex.”
“How’s he playing?” I asked.
“Good
but not as good as me,” John said immodestly.
“I’m
sorry,” I said suddenly, dispensing with the small talk.
“It’s
been only a few days and—
“I
know. It feels terrible.”
“Exactly.
I’ve missed girlfriends before--”
“Thanks
a lot.”
“You
didn’t let me finish. I’ve missed girlfriends before but this feels like a whole
other realm of different. Like it’s unnatural that we’re apart.”
I
tilted my head to the side and said, “In the culture I came from, people select
one another at about our age. They fall deeply in love and that never seems to
change. They stay together for life. It’s different than out here.”
“So
you’re saying that’s how we’re supposed to be?”
“It
would make sense,” I said, feeling surprisingly shy. “The way we met—love at
first sight. Our inability to stay away from each other.”
“It’s
good to hear you admit that. I thought I was the only one.”
I had a flash of my sister that first day we
saw John, how she’d continuously craned her neck to look at him when we never,
ever gave outsiders the time of day. For the first time, I wondered if John and
Liv would have connected that day—just like Novak predicted—if I hadn’t broken
the rules and exposed us in public. It had created chaos. Maybe I had
inadvertently changed the course of how things were meant to go, just like
Novak warned us would happen if we broke rules.
I
hated that thought. The way I felt about John that day at Barton Springs, I had
to believe he was always meant for me, not my sister.
I
realized I’d left him hanging. “You are not the only one, you know that. If I
ever seem hesitant, it’s only because I wanted to keep you out of the line of
sight—of the FBI, the paparazzi, anyone watching me. Not to mention, I want
your parents to like me. I hope you know, I wanted you with me at the W, every
second.”
“You didn’t ever tell me that.”
I
laughed, “It wasn’t obvious?”
“No.
You can be reserved.”
“Always?”
“No,
not always.” John said, I could hear the smile in his voice.
“Probably
because I’m always worried.”
“No,
don’t worry,” John sounded like he hated the idea of me being sad. “You deserve
to be happy.”
Did
I? What had I ever done to deserve anything? I’d been a silent witness while
Novak took advantage of people and ruined families. I hadn’t even been
disturbed by it for most of my life. Now that he really knew me, I wasn’t sure
what John saw in me. Why had he never gotten very scared? If for one second the
Fords knew what my presence in John’s life had caused…
“I
miss you,” I said, wanting to feel close to him but feeling so selfish.
“What
are you wearing?” he laughed.
I
looked down and my filthy, dusty clothes. “Nothing exciting.”
“You’re
supposed to lie then.”
I
started laughing. “I really, really miss you.” I wished I could tell him
everything about what I’d seen in the past two days, the Pueblo, the train and
this valley. I felt like I was on an adventure and Texas was years ago. Instead
he thought I was in California and I’d never be able to tell him.
“I’ll
be there soon,” he said softly.
Maybe
two months was relatively soon but it stretched out like a dreadful
eternity.
I
wanted so much more than I could get over the phone. I just wanted him.
I
heard a door open in the hallway and Alex ask in the background what John was
doing. Annoyed, John told his brother to go back to bed.
“You
better go,” I said. It was too hard for me tonight to want to be close to him
and lie at the same time. “Good luck tomorrow.” I kept my voice light.
“I’ll
call you tomorrow night,” he said, his tone suddenly neutral again, the more
private and personal part of our conversation interrupted. It left me wanting
more. I held myself back from saying ‘I love you,’ not wanting to sound as
vulnerable as I suddenly felt.
“Bye,”
I whispered.
We deleted this
phone call between John and Julia during her road trip with Angus in Chapter
Fourteen. In the final version, Julia calls John but wakes him up and they
agree to talk later. The original was meant to express their longing for each
other and the challenges of staying connected when you have a long-distance
relationship. It never worked! It was just a lot of talking and slowed down the
story. Some bits of the conversation made it into later conversations. I do
like Julia explaining how, in her culture, people pick one another young and
stay together for life.
EXCERPT
Three
broken hairbrushes. A shattered terra-cotta rabbit’s head. Really, Julia?
Broken shit everywhere. When you asked me to open that drawer to read the
Stanford packet, I thought you wanted me to see that you were using your
abilities. Did you really think I wouldn’t notice?
I love you. I notice everything.
Copyright © 2018 by Marit
Wiesenberg
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